Wild rosemary, as it is sometimes known, is a moderately pungent herb, possessing narcotic, psychotropic, tonic and aphrodisiac qualities. It was used historically for the treatment of ulcers, leprosy, burns, fever, rheumatism and as a blood purifier. (see Buhner's 1998 Sacred and Herbal Healing Beers.) The spicy, fuzzy leaves of R. tomentosum, in combination/fermentation with sweet gale (Myrica gale) and common yarrow (Achillea millefolium), two other highly curative and inebriating herbs, gives you gruit ale: the liquor, medicine, and closely guarded secret tonic of medieval times. It took about no time at all for the Catholic church to realize the power of this heathen concoction, and 'borrow' the recipe, producing and selling it to people all across Europe, funding lavish and expensive cathedrals, monasteries and dungeons. Why in the hell did the church need all those dungeons, you ask? Well for sinners, of course, and what worse sin could there be than the introduction of a new, Scandinavian brewing herb, known as hoppes?
Hops arrived on the scene around 900AD in the Nordic north, and slowly made its way south into the heart of Cath'lic Country, spawning a legal, moral, spiritual and bloody 400 year conflict, which filled those fancy dungeons with the forefathers of what we know today as imbibers of IPA. These courageous few proudly brewed and drank their hopped ales, and were promptly fined or jailed. After all, the church had spent all that time and money cultivating the land and minds of the people to favor gruit, the mystical, feel-good, sin-free beverage enjoyed at sporting events and taverns by St. Joe Everyman.
Well, with the help of Martin Luther, his many (95 or so) theses and a desire not to be tortured anymore by the clergy, hops and its fans crushed the hopes of the church, and crusaded (pardon the expression) across the continent, and soon to the New World. There's only a few problems, though. First, hops are a strong sedative, and in combination with alcohol, beer as we now know it is not much more than a tasty Tylenol® PM. Problem number two: gruit ale is DAMN TASTY! Oh, right, it's also antiseptic, antimicrobial, antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, vasodilating, aphrodesiac, stimulant, narcotic, analgesic, hemostatic, fungistatic, tonic, and a natural preservative.
What in hell is this bozo driving at with all this homeo/naturo/fair trade/PC/free range propaganda? Well shit, calm down! I made a new gruit ale on Monday and I wanted to let you know. That's all, so get back to your life already.
-The Good Doctor
